This is a piece of text, call it a dictation as it may just be another rambling by me, knowing how much I talk. This is a biography of myself, if you call it that way. This is the story of me.
This story is written without a draft. Its whatever coming to my mine. The story shall speak for itself.
I’m currently writing from my desk at work, having nothing pending to be done. No deadline has dulled my senses. Too much deadlines have killed my creativity in the past. I consider this act to be unassuming, having being paid to work but right here typing away, pretending to look busy. Its not only wrong but a high risk attached to it. What if my boss were to show up behind me? Writing this piece too proves to be a challenge, being downgraded from my own 4 years old pc of AMD Athlon x 2 to what it is a mere dual core Intel Pentium 4 3ghz with 512 ram? Even on windows XP this feels ancient.
Back to my story, I grew up in the nineties. Big nine ‘O’. My childhood I think was the last of the glory days of the time. Super Santei – Power Rangers, Voltron, giant robots, masked rider, even the best Batman movie directed by Tim Burton came out in the nineties. Yes, the effects were not that good but it delivered the goods. Character, design, story, the presentation. Heck, who could ever forget Terminator 2?
I grew up reading comics. Something younger generation might be unheard of or seldom to pick up. Not that I’m very old, they have anime nowadays. Highly compressed into 20 minutes show, full of colors with real voice acting behind. Though this wave may not have been that new, existing for decades in Japan, its not so rampant in other parts of the world. The states only picked up Dragon Ball few years back. 20 over years since its inception.
I take pride in knowing. I hate to be left out. I am a curious person. I feel compelled to read the list of well known and prized titles. My upcoming title to read will be Akira.
Currently I’m reading Zetman. I must give it to the author/artist. He’s been very consistent in his work. And its inspiring on his artwork and story. The story although may not provide much depth, especially the very flat characters and their fate, it was bolster with good distraction to relate to. Maybe all that attracted me was the art.
It was so inspiring that I decided to write this piece. Being an author or artist has always been my dream, I a dream I am reluctant to let go off.
Despite being relatively docile in appearance, rebellious is a part of my soul. Rebel against the norm, rebel against what ever mainstream and common, rebel against procedures I find rigid and unaccommodating, you can almost throw a stone anywhere and still hit the target. I am that bad a rebel, but not without a cause.
Crowd is something I like. But perhaps, a community is a better word. Grouping of similar peoples or should they be different, adhere to a common cause. In trips and in work, I like to operate in a community, though my friends would say I’m rather reclusive at times. I beg to differ. It’s just that I don’t have the means to be out there.
I enjoy reading. Its very easy to forget something that you like when you don’t do it anymore. I think it takes some effort too in order to enjoy. The biggest hurdle in reading is always the same. Money to buy, and the luck to find a good read. Though reviews are everywhere, its just not that easy to find a good read.
Drawing as mentioned was my forte, as I would like to recognize it. Since the inception of myself, my personality is a manifestation of images in my mind. Everyone thinks with images in their head. We don’t exactly have thoughts in words. This is why we always have a hard time remembering texts, history. But when we break it down into story, things make sense. When it is rhythmical, its even better. It will stick in your head. Literally.
Guess that is how photographic memories come in. Instead of keeping the text, the whole layout made into an image and you ‘read’ it from there. Its cool to know that photographic memory can be taught, and with practice, can be harnessed. The same goes with creativity. To question and construct a diverging alternative. Perhaps what I’m talking about will be something similar to Edward Bono’s 6 thinking hats, which I have not read yet. I did read his new thinking for the new millennium and I am astonished by his views. It captivated mostly because I agree with it.
To me, to have an open mind is important in order to absorb whatever happening objectively. Video games is a great tool to open up your mind, not just living as another person but also to experience something out of the norm. You can say its like movies only this demands more focus to maneuver through the progression.
Back to drawing, these images in my mind, I tend to consolidate it into a 3D model. Thus I could toss it around and still know what I looks like. Parts that I am unsure of are filled with what you call imagination. That is how people find me full me full of baloney. I tend to get too far with imagination and when its out of control, it just becomes a fabrication. Fair enough, self control and discipline must be applied.
But like how Bono put it in his book, human finds thinking a chore. The sooner we get to the conclusion or truth, its better to just hold it there. The same where you constantly trying to construct an image in your mind, it is even harder to form something out of pure imagination alone. There is where traveling comes in.
It broadens our view. But this too is something of a privilege. Money is a bitch.
The same reason I become an accountant. I was under the impression those who governs money will be better off their own. I may be wrong. I don’t feel richer. But I do feel I have better financial control. Just control, not better off financially. Perhaps not now. Perhaps I’m coming apple to nuts. Me being nutty over money.
See, money became increasingly a pressure on me. To everyone else living on their own too I suppose. A dream of riches. The pressure kicks in harder, with more NM when you have a wife and kid. Financially, it is no longer jolly along but something to be accomplished.
In a way, this will be a drive, something to propel me further. But the trick here is the risk appetite. A balance of return and risk taking. For example a high risk high return act will be going overseas to work. But I will lose the chance to visit my beautiful daughter and loving wife. Staying behind in Ipoh will lead me nowhere far. At least in KL, I earn better, and learned that there are more to offer in life. Still, I miss them.
Sigh, such is life. You can only go one way, or the other. Having both ends is simply a perk only few are able to enjoy, if not utterly impossible.
I mean, I would’ve been glad to have travel to England and adopt their language to my own. Fly over to America and enjoy the amazing purchasing power. Or even the Land of Oz below will be an eye opening experience.
But all these, who wouldn’t? It would be even better if I can experience Japan for its culture and what not.
Still, people say all this are not impossible and it is achievable. But the economy as it is, I don’t think I can afford a cool apartment for my family plus a car anytime soon. In fact, with the prices escalating, I don’t think I can move out of Malaysia anytime soon.
Such is the way of life now. People are asking too much? Or the economy is too cold? The Pareto 80/20 rule with me being one of the 80% who doesn’t command wealth and weighted down by debt.
Don’t be misunderstood because I will do everything I can in my powers to afford for my wonderful daughter. Thus back to the trick, I believe its not so much about sacrifices but to strike the balance. A mark made so fine and illusive from the vast disparity clouds the target.
Its amazing how much things like this change a person, not in an impressed way, I find its staggering the paradigm shift from the person I was to who I am today.
It doesn’t change the fact that I believe, motivation drives the best out of us. And this source of motivation varies from person to person. One will have to identify it, draw it out before he can use it. Being lazy or not, the right motivation will set the motion.
The fact that I forget this is why I am disappointed with myself. Being contemplated into comfort zone so easily. Perhaps its human nature as pointed out by Bono. The feeling of thoroughly inspired should be engraved and ingrained to each and every part of the brain. Much like prayers you make for your religion, which I don’t strictly adhere to.
I don’t know if my views will change but as of today, this is the story that I am.
Now if only that lottery ticket works its magic.
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